You know when you’re sitting on hold during a customer service call, and it seems to take forever to get someone on the line?
The same thing happens when a narcissist ignores you.
Now, imagine if the customer service representative intentionally kept you on hold just to get a rise out of you.
That’s the level of game-playing going on in the egomaniac’s mind.
The more you want to talk to him, the less he’s going to respond.
13 Things That Happen When You Ignore a Narcissist
You’re not going to like some of these answers, so brace for it. What happens when you ignore a narcissist? He goes on tilt.
He’s ignoring you to reprimand, bait, or reinvigorate you to bow to his superiority.
1. He will be enraged.
The psychotic trait of ghosting is mainly done because the aggressor knows it will upset you. It’s understandable since the disappearing act could’ve happened after the best sex of your relationship or the best weekend trip you’ve taken as a couple.
At first, he basks in the sunlight of your begging. It shows how much control he has over your emotions. Once you return the gesture in kind, he’ll initially stay silent but be plotting better than the military raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound.
2. He will love-bomb someone else.
One of the reasons these self-obsessed people do the “discard” is because they are seeking a greater form of supply. They need the fuel of ego boosts, much like an addict needs more of a drug to stay high.
Once he thinks you’re already on the hook, he is done having to cater to you. He’s going to find a new supply. Don’t be dismayed—you were the new supply once. Because these creatures only see people as objects. They cannot form legitimate human emotional bonds. They can only fake them.
3. He will watch you.
Imagine if deer hunters headed to the woods only to find the deer walking up to them and falling over, waiting to be shot. That’s not the thrill of the hunt. He’s going to have his own hunting blind, waiting for you to show some kind of sadness, anger, or desperation for his attention.
From cyber-stalking you to following you to happy hour to trying to hack your email, boundaries of ethics and morals don’t apply to him. He’ll still ignore you, but he’s out there… somewhere.
4. He will try to get a rise out of you.
When initial ignoring doesn’t work, it’s time to up the ante. All the private information you shared while he was love bombing you will now be used against you. Were you always suspicious of him? He’ll post photos with attractive women. Did he tell you he was busy with work? He’ll make sure you find out how he took a three-day weekend in the Bahamas.
To these monsters, any attention is good attention. He wants his actions to have a direct connection to your emotions.
5. He will test the waters.
In this sociopathic world of his, contacting someone can still happen during the discard phase. He might message you with “Thinking of you. Been busy. Talk later.” He’s banking on your forgiveness and a reboot of your emotional desperation to get more of that communication.
If you reply at all, just simply say, “Okay.” It will infuriate him that you can take him or leave him since he already feels worthless inside. He has no ego without attentive people like you.
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6. He’ll start a smear campaign.
After enough radio silence, he’s going to get those flying monkeys together and tell them how YOU have ignored HIM. He’ll strawman the truth or flat-out lie to get other people to lure you back in.
For example, let’s say you haven’t communicated in two weeks. You texted him and called him and got no response. Ten days later, he’s telling your friends how you knew he had a major project at work and couldn’t even offer a little bit of support. You’re so insensitive, he’ll say. It’s all to prompt you to reach out.
7. He’ll show up everywhere you are.
Don’t put it past him to find out where your favorite yoga studio is, and position himself in the center of the class. He’ll be at your weekly happy hour “by chance” and could even cross paths with you on your evening jog.
Yeah, he wanted to ignore you. He just thinks it’s egregious you had the nerve to ignore him back. Don’t you know how special he is? He’ll make it seem like “fate” is once again intervening to pull you back into the drama.
8. He’ll gaslight you and make you feel bad.
When he’s truly ready to make you feel as bad about yourself as he does secretly about himself, he’ll bring his bag of lies and tank of gaslighting.
Get ready for statements like:
- “I was in a car accident, and you didn’t even call!”
- “I never got any messages from you.”
- “I’ve called you three times, and you can’t bother to call back?”
- “I told you I would be very busy. You want me to respect your job, but you have no respect for mine!”
9. He’ll project his insecurities onto you.
At his core, this person has no self-worth. Think of his soul as a black hold in the universe. The worst thing that could happen to him is being exposed for the sham and sinister person he is. Instead of breaking his superior shell, he’ll turn that one you.
This could take several forms, such as him blaming you for being so needy or demanding that he told you that you were his soulmate, so what does it matter if he got too busy to talk for a week?
10. He’ll keep ignoring you.
Like any horror movie, halfway through, it appears the heroes have beaten the demon, only for audiences to find out the monster is waiting in the wings. A hallmark of this personality disorder is that they are never truly “done” with you. You are always a tool in the box. He just might not need you right now.
You’ll be treated as a laundry machine. When he needs the function you provide, like status, power, or praise, he’ll use you. Think about it—do you feel guilty on the days you don’t use the washer and dryer? That’s how these mentally-mangled people see others.
11. He’ll know your breaking point.
Since the abuse cycle of narcissism is a tripod of love bombing, devaluation, and discarding, he will quickly learn how long you can do the “silent treatment” standoff. His life has been devoted to manipulating people like you, so you already have the cards stacked against you.
Ignoring him beyond the breaking point is key because that’s when he’ll go off-kilter.
12. He’ll say words that sound like an apology but aren’t.
Once you’ve called his bluff, you’ve only won a small battle in a brutal war. A narcissist is incapable of feeling real remorse, grief, or blame. They are above all rules because of how special they are, but they also know how to mirror the emotions others expect when “mortals” exhibit bad behavior.
The apology might look something like, “I’m sorry you were so upset by my work schedule,” or “I apologize that you aren’t secure enough in the relationship despite all my efforts.”
13. He’ll start love-bombing you again.
No, he won’t realize the error of his ways after some distance. He needs you back on the hook, and he’ll bait you with the same grand gestures, sweet words, and elaborate gifts to make you feel like he’s realized you’re the love of his life (again).
When every step he takes is to manipulate you, he won’t waste time on the things that don’t work. If you choose to ignore the love bombing, you can expect a certain degree of narcissistic rage. But that’s a topic for another day.
How to Ignore a Narcissist
The key to ignoring a narcissist is going no-contact in every way possible while not making it seem like you’re begging for attention. Any action you take that seems like a direct response to being ghosted will be seen as the person having control over you.
1. Do not contact them via phone, email, text, or DM
It’s normal when someone disappears suddenly to ask, “Hey, are you okay?” or “What’s going on?” Two attempts should be the limit. After that, don’t contact them in any fashion. They are intentionally trying to get a rise out of you so you submit to their needs and build their ego with begging.
Have no doubt—he’s going to post things that make you want to respond. He knows it will bother you to see him surrounded by a group of waitresses at the club or hiking that mountain you were supposed to tackle together. Acknowledging these posts tells him you’re cyber-stalking him, which builds more power in his mind.
This is a delicate balance. If you usually post twice a day but suddenly go dark, he assumes you’re in the fetal position, riddled with anxiety, waiting for a response. If you go overboard and post your hottest look with cleavage and killer heels, he’ll see you are begging for attention. Keep your normal cadence, with the goal being that his disappearance has not impacted you at all.
4. Do not ask about him through friends or relatives.
The megalomaniac has created “flying monkeys,” which are people he’s trained to see you as the enemy, crazy person, or emotionally wrecked basket case. Even just asking, “Have you seen Damian?” means he’s on your mind. He’ll gleefully know you’re still thinking about him when the message gets back.
5. Do pretend you’re not impacted by his presence.
Whether by chance or normal path-crossing, he’s going to put himself in your path to elicit a response. Ignoring a narcissist who ignores you means you haven’t even noticed he’s gone. When you pass him, say “Hello” with a happy but not overly excited tone. Then keep walking and don’t look back.
6. Don’t give in to the temptation to reach out again.
As a compassionate person, you might be genuinely worried he’s sick or dealing with a crisis. As a soulless beast, he’s going to make sure you know an exaggerated tale once you figure out how to ignore a narcissist who tries to punish you. Without your “supply” and attention, he’s going to level up the dramatics to get you back on track to beg for attention.
Will a Narcissist Go Away If You Ignore Them?
Not to sound like a lawyer, but it depends. Your dedication to them and the rush of supply they get from you determine how long they’ll make an effort. Ignoring them almost always leads to another love bombing attempt. In their minds, they are never away. They just don’t need you right now.
Do Narcissists Care If You Ignore Them?
They only care about if you are emotionally impacted by their actions—for better or worse. If you ignore them, but they know you haven’t left the house in a week because you’re so upset, they don’t care. They start getting enraged when it appears you have no interest in them whatsoever.
Is It Better to Block a Narcissist’s Messages or Just Ignore Them?
This highly depends on your willpower. If blocking messages makes you more stable to stay away, then do that. If you have concerns that their words will include threats or evidence you’ll need for a future conversation or possible police report, then don’t block them. Just don’t respond.
The worst thing you can do is ignore a narcissistic person with the goal of “winning them back.” They crave the drama and attention that the cycle creates. Nobody is ever going to win a narcissist over, and the sooner you realize that, the better. You’re playing a mentally damaging game when you try to outwit these people.