Living together is a big step in any relationship.
It’s an exciting milestone filled with lots of promise, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges.
Therefore, it’s essential to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page before taking that leap.
Asking each other insightful questions is one of the best ways to ensure you make the right decision before you move in together.
From covering home and lifestyle decisions like finances, chores, and where to shop for groceries to getting into the nitty-gritty of pet preferences and storing family heirlooms, our questions below provide a comprehensive overview of what it means to live together in harmony.
What Should You Talk About Before Moving In Together?
Moving in with your significant other is a big decision. You’re essentially saying, “I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level.”
But before you start packing your boxes, there are a few things you should talk about first.
- Finances: You need to ensure you’re on the same page financially. Money problems can quickly cause tension in a relationship, so it’s essential to talk about budgeting, saving, and debt before making this commitment.
- Household Chores: If expectations are not correctly set, household chores can become a source of conflict. So, it’s crucial to establish who will be responsible for what when it comes to the upkeep of your shared home. Discuss everything, from grocery shopping and cooking meals to cleaning the house and lawn care.
- Family Heirlooms: Moving in with your partner also means combining possessions from your respective families. These things could include furniture, artwork, or even special dishes and silverware that have been passed down for generations. Discuss how they will be stored and treated if you bring things from home.
- Pets: If you or your partner currently have pets, discussing what is expected of each of you is essential. You must establish who will care for the pets, where they should sleep, and who will clean up after them. But if you don’t have pets, you should discuss your pet preferences and whether or not you want to be pet parents.
- Expectations: Setting expectations for each other and communicating them beforehand is key to a successful cohabitation. Talk things through and be honest about how much personal space you need, if your partner needs to tell you when they’re going out with friends, and if there are any topics you’d prefer not to discuss with them.
85 Absolutely Essential Questions To Ask Before You Move In Together
There are numerous issues to discuss before moving in together. To make things a little easier, we’ve put together a list of 85 essential questions that cover every topic you should be prepared to discuss before taking the plunge.
1. How much money does each of you make?
2. How much can you afford to spend on rent or mortgage payments?
3. Do you have the same financial goals? What are your short and long-term financial goals?
4. Do you have similar spending habits?
5. Who will handle bills and budgeting?
6. Who will pay for what? Will you split everything 50/50, or will one person pay for rent and the other pay for utilities?
8. Should you keep your finances separate, or will you combine them?
9. Should you consult each other every time you purchase something?
10. What happens if one of you loses your job? How will you continue to afford rent or mortgage payments?
11. If one of you loses their job, will the other person cover all the expenses on their own?
12. How much does each of you contribute to retirement accounts?
13. What happens if one of you wants to move out?
14. Do you both have good credit?
15. Do either of you have any credit card debt, student loans, or other debts that need to be paid off? If so, how much do you each owe?
16. How will you handle future borrowing and lending money?
17. Is there anything related to money that one of you would prefer not to discuss?
18. Who will do the dishes, take out the trash, clean the kitchen, and mop the floors?
19. Who will be responsible for grocery shopping and cooking meals?
20. How will you split the chores and make sure things are getting done?
21. How will you handle things if one of you is not helping out around the house?
22. What will be your shared responsibilities around the house?
23. How will minor repairs and maintenance be handled in the house?
24. What happens if things don’t get done on time or one of you is not taking responsibility for their share of the chores?
25. Is either of you allergic to pets?
26. How do you feel about having pets in the home?
27. What are each other’s pet preferences?
28. Do either of you have pets? If so, who will take care of them, and how often?
29. Where will the pets sleep, and who will be responsible for walking them, feeding them, and cleaning up after them?
30. Who will care for the pets’ needs, veterinary visits, and grooming appointments?
31. Will you two get shared pets, or will each of you have your own?
32. What will happen to the pets when you two break up?
33. Do either of you need extra privacy?
34. How will things like shared bathrooms work?
35. Will one of you be okay with your partner bringing friends over or talking on the phone late at night?
36. What are your expectations for personal space and privacy?
37. Does either of you need a “private” area that the other cannot access?
39. Is there anything related to privacy that one of you would prefer not to discuss?
40. What rules and boundaries do you two want to set for personal space and alone time?
41. What do you two feel comfortable discussing in front of each other, and what topics should be kept private?
42. How often do you expect visitors, and how long should they stay?
43. Do you want to set any boundaries for things like social media usage?
44. What is your opinion on overnight guests or friends staying over?
45. How do you feel about each other’s family members visiting the home?
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46. What expectations do you both have for living together?
47. What things do each of you need to feel comfortable in the relationship?
48. What do you need to feel like your needs are being met?
49. How will you handle disagreements and arguments?
50. What things will you both agree to compromise on?
51. What things will neither of you budge on?
52. Do either of you have different standards for things like household cleanliness or organization?
53. What topics will be off-limits in the relationship?
54. How often do you two want to spend time together?
55. What are your feelings about friends and family visiting?
56. What are your thoughts on holiday gifts, birthdays, and other special occasions?
57. What are your expectations for issues such as communication and support regarding things outside of the home?
Motivation and Logistics
58. What motivates each of you daily?
59. What can each of you do for the other that will help motivate them to reach their goals?
60. Do either of you have a preferred location for the home or are you willing to move?
61. Do you have any specific things you want to accomplish together?
62. What are your plans for the future, and how do they fit into your lifestyle?
63. Are you both planning to work, go back to school, or start a business?
64. What do you need to make things work logistically?
65. Do you prefer a laid-back or structured lifestyle?
66. How do you feel about drinking, smoking, and other lifestyle choices?
The Future of Your Relationship
67. What things do you need to keep the relationship strong?
69. What things can both of you do to ensure things stay on track?
70. How will you handle conflict? Do you tend to bottle things up or confront problems head-on?
71. What do you need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship?
72. Do you two want to start a family? If so, what would you need to do to make that happen?
73. Does either of you have any doubts or reservations about living together?
74. What time do you prefer to go to bed and wake up in the morning?
75. Do either of you have heirlooms that have been passed down through the generations?
76. If you have family heirlooms, how should they be stored and treated?
77. Would you like to incorporate family heirlooms into the home?
78. What family heirlooms are you willing to share or combine?
79. Do you two want to start collecting things together or do things separately?
Breaking-Up and Moving Out
80. In a breakup, who gets what, and how will you handle everything?
82. What should you do to ensure everything goes smoothly if one person moves out?
83. Is there anything you should discuss before you move out or end the relationship?
84. Do either of you have plans in place if the relationship doesn’t work out?
85. Are there issues that need to be discussed about potential breakup scenarios?
How to Discuss These Questions with Your Partner
Now that you know what to talk about before moving in together, it’s time to figure out how to bring things up constructively and respectfully.
Below are pointers for making the conversation a success:
- Be open and honest: Honesty is essential when discussing things like moving in together. You should be willing to share your thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism or judgment.
- Be respectful: Expressing yourself without attacking the other person is essential. Respectful listening and response are vital to making things work out for both of you.
- Be prepared for things to get uncomfortable: Discussing things like finances and breakups can be difficult, so it’s essential to go into the conversation with an open mind and understanding attitude. Allow time for both of you to think things through before making any decisions.
- Stay calm: It’s normal to experience tension when discussing complex topics such as expectations and responsibilities of living together, but it is essential to remain calm to work things out successfully.
- Meet at a neutral location: If things become too heated, take a break and meet at a neutral location where you can discuss things calmly and rationally.
Moving in with your significant other is a big step. Discussing finances, expectations, and family heirlooms can help you feel more secure and prepared for the transition.
By asking the right questions before moving in together, you can build a strong foundation for your future.