“When it comes to interpersonal relationships, hope is often masquerading in the form of repeated attachment patterns. For instance, you might have experienced narcissistic abuse as a child or had an unavailable caretaker, and so hoping someone will change and finally give us the love we want feels familiar and attractive. The feeling of longing or deprivation might also feel familiar, and so we hope that if we are good enough, talented enough, thin enough, smart enough, and attractive enough that finally we will get the attention we are so craving from this person.

“Without even realizing it, you are intoxicated by the fantasy of who you hope this person might become. But every time you are in the movie of projection, you have left the ground of your reality.”

Jordan Dann, MFA, L.P., CIRT, psychoanalyst and relationship expert

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