First things first: If you aren’t already tracking your cycle, you should. When you start paying more attention to how your cycle is impacting you, you’ll find it can explain a lot—and then you can explain what you figure out to your partner.
Feeling like you want to rip your partner’s head off three days before your period? Par for the course, perhaps—but they may not understand it’s not personal if they’re unaware you’re PMSing. The same thing goes when you’re ovulating and feeling sexier than usual—your partner can benefit from knowing you’ll likely be game for some frisky fun at this time (versus later in your cycle when you might be feeling the opposite of game).
“If your partner is coming on to you and you’re not in the mood because you’re gonna get your period any second, you can just say, ‘Hey, I’m getting my period,’ and then they’ll be like, ‘Right, of course,'” Blaylock-Solar says.
Then, assuming your cycle is regular, your partner knowing where you are within your cycle can help them predict when you might want more space, when you’ll have more energy, and of course, when you’re fertile.
“It might seem strange to involve your partner in such an intimate part of your life, but doing so allows you to maximize your relationship, too,” psychology expert Erin Rachel Doppelt, M.A. previously wrote for mbg, adding, “It’s a way of allowing your partner to understand you—your body, your mood shifts, your priorities, and your spiritual energy—all the more fully, so that you can create an even deeper and more meaningful connection.”